BIG DICK
Hey World!
BIG DICK here. Well, another year another billion dollars for
the Cheney family, heh heh. Nothing like trading the markets
when you’re driving the bus! You guys catch that big move in
Halliburton stock? How about the oil market? Yes, it’s been
pretty cozy up here in the sky box of the free world. But it
ain’t always easy. Bending an entire nation over a pool
table and fucking it straight up the ass takes strength,
determination and a complete disregard for the law and human
decency. Fortunately, I found time to play a lot of golf with
Kenny Boy Lay and do some hunting with Tony Scalia during the
years. “Watch out for that stray buck shot Judge!” heh heh.
 But
seriously, folks, it’s a cold, cruel world out there. Just ask
my good buddy John McCain. Poor fucker might have been elected
President of the United States if he had dodged Vietnam and
hooked up with some of my buddies in the sixties and seventies.
Ah, but ol’ Karl took care of that problem when he started that
talk about John-boy fathering black children during the
primaries back in 2000. Hey! Come to think of it, that should
have been a plus going up against Obama. You don’t think
that guy was elected on his record and his vision for America,
do you? Hmmmmmm…..
Yeah, that
was some beating we took in November. I guess that’s what
happens when people believe that their vote can actually make a
difference. I’ll bet you’re asking, “Hey, DICK. What the fuck
is this world coming too?!” Well, don’t you despair my little
twisted fucks. Our time will come again. Fortunately, we can
count on a gullible electorate that is capable of believing
almost anything imaginable. Remember, now, we got re-elected in
2004! I mean, how fucking dumb can a people be? All we need to
do is get Lush Rim-Job and the Fux Allstars to keep slingin’ the
bull while we fix a few more of those electronic voting
machines. I’m telling ya’, we’ll have this country buns-up on
its hands and knees again in no time!
What can you
do to help? Well, your old pal, BIG DICK, has created a great
way for you to “ease your noggin while funding another floggin’”.
That’s right. Just in time for the holidays, ol’ DICK has put
the finishing touches on his Vice Presidential memoires
entitled, “I FUCK A NATION”. Inside, you’ll get to relive some
of the finer moments of the past eight years, like the lies
about WMD in Iraq, running the Constitution over with a
steam-roller, and, my personal favorite, torture in Gitmo!
You’ll also get excerpts from my big meetings with Scooter,
Karl, Squinty, Hashcroft, and the whole gang as we ran roughshod
over the American Dream and plunged the country into the worst
financial crisis on record.
You in? Of
course you are, you mindless lemming. Now, all you have to do is
send a copy of this letter along with your name and address and
a check for $2,000 made out to the National Association for the
Advancement of Twisted Fucks (formerly the RNC), and you’ll
receive your very own autographed copy of this masterpiece of
American history.
Well, I gotta
be going now. My Gulf Stream jet’s waiting to whisk me off to
another important meeting on the first tee at Agusta with my old
friend Tom Delay. I hear he’s got some ideas for us. You be
sure and get that check off to me, er, I mean, the NAATF ASAP!
Yur pal,
BIG DICK |
