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THE BETA POTATO
 Hatched in
the confines of a mysterious white adobe mansion in Colorado
Springs, Colorado, THE BETA POTATO now rolls into its 4th
decade, delivering mass hysteria and general bad craziness to
the plethora of substance-deprived heroes fighting to make it
through just one more day in a world ravaged by the witless
savagery of George W. Bush and his minions of twisted fucks.
Yes, ol’
dubya’s gone now, but the damage is done, and the trembling,
bloody orifice that he leaves behind bears little resemblance to
the world that was before he had his way with us.
Fortunately, like a cold wad of cotton and a morphine drip, THE
BETA POTATO's crack squad of news insurgents sooths our
collective pain in the ass by scouring the stratosphere for the
dirt, in a tireless effort to promote truth, justice, and a few
cheap laughs.
 Simply put,
THE BETA POTATO profoundly alters and expands your consciousness by
loosening or completely erasing the normal
filters and screens that lay between your conscious mind and the outside
world.
With these filters
down, more information rushes in. You sense more, think more,
and feel more. You become aware of things normally filtered out
by your mind. You sense
more about the intricate details on surfaces, the richness of
sound, the brightness of colors, and the complexity of your own
mental processes.
At higher doses, the
rush of information from THE BETA POTATO becomes a flood, and
your senses actually begin to merge and overlap until you can
see sounds or smell colors.
The impact of THE BETA POTATO is
strongly determined by
set and setting. Set is your mindset (how
you're feeling, issues in your life, your psychological makeup)
when reading THE BETA POTATO; setting is where you are - that
includes who you're with and how relaxed you feel.
Dosage and previous
experience with THE BETA POTATO also have a part to play.
Basically, if you read THE BETA POTATO, you will experience some or none
of the following effects:
· Very
mild effects may include relaxation and giggling, like being stoned but with
enhanced visual perception: Colors may seem brighter, pattern
recognition is enhanced, colors and details become more eye-grabbing.
· Physically, you experience a feeling of lightness and euphoria,
and a slight tingling in the body. There is an increased sense
of urgency, and music sounds better.
· Stronger visual hallucinations may include radiant colors.
Objects and surfaces may appear to ripple or breathe. Colored
patterns behind the eyes are vivid and more active. Moments of
reflection and distractive thought patterns increase in
frequency and duration. Thoughts and
thinking become enhanced.
· Ability to talk or interact with others may be
slightly impaired. Your sense of time may become distorted or lost.
· Some
may experience very
obvious visual effects. Curved or warped patterns. Familiar
objects appear strange as surface details distract the eye.
Imagination and 'mind's eye' images become more vivid and three dimensional.
Geometric patterns behind closed eyes. Some confusion of the
senses.
· Distortion rather than deterioration of mental
processes. Some awareness of background brain functioning, such
as balance systems or auditory visual perception. Deep store
memory becomes accessible. Images or experiences may rise to the
fore. Music is powerful and can affect mood. Sense of time lost.
Occasional trance states. Paranoia and distortions of body image
possible.
· Difficulty to interacting with other people and
'consensus reality' in general. You should really be somewhere
safe!
·
Very strong hallucinations such as objects
morphing into other objects. Tracers, lingering after-images,
and visual echoes.
· Intense depersonalization. Category “enscramblement”.
The barriers between you and the universe begin to break down.
You feel a
connection with everything around you and you begin experiencing
contradictory feelings simultaneously. Some loss of reality.
Time becomes meaningless. Senses blend into one. Multiple
splitting of the ego. Powerful awareness of mental processes and
senses. Lengthy trances often featuring highly symbolic, often
mythical visions when your eyes are closed. Powerful and sometimes
brutal psycho-physical reactions described by some readers as
reliving their own birth.
· Music becomes extremely powerful, perhaps
overwhelming. Emotional sensitivity becomes increased (often massively),
with crying or
laughing, or both simultaneously.
· Tremors,
twitches, twisting movements, sweating, chills, hot flushes -
are all common.
· In
very rare instances, you will experience a total loss of visual connection with
reality. The senses cease to function in the normal way - Total
loss of self. Transcendental experiences of cosmic unity.
Merging with space, other objects, or the universe. Out of body
experience. "Entity contact". A loss of reality that becomes so
severe that it defies explanation. Pure white light. Difficult
to put into words.
THE BETA POTATO IS NOT FOR
EVERYONE. Only your doctor can decide if THE BETA POTATO is right
for you. Before reading THE BETA POTATO, ask if you're healthy
enough for exposure to the THE BETA POTATO, and be sure to tell
your doctor about all your medical conditions and all
medications. Don't read THE BETA POTATO if you take recreational
drugs as the combination can cause a sudden, unsafe drop in
blood pressure, sanity, and your ability to solve simple
mathematic equations.
Don't drink
alcohol in excess (to a level of intoxication) when reading THE
BETA POTATO, as this may increase your chances of getting dizzy,
failing to achieve an erection, or generally making a complete
ass of yourself. THE BETA POTATO does not protect against
sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV. The most common
side effects with THE BETA POTATO are headache and upset
stomach. Backache, neck cramps and blurred vision were also
reported, sometimes with delayed onset. |
