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SUPA’
FREAKONOMICS!
Don’t Make A Fuss, Just Get On The Bus!
 (Las
Vegas, NV) While celebrating the coming of the New Year, the Big
O made a surprise visit to this “City of Sin” to unveil the
heart and soul of his plan to lessen the impact of the nation’s
biggest recession by embracing the economics of the world’s
oldest profession and legalizing prostitution from sea to
shining sea! Borrowing shamelessly from the famed
campaign slogan of Herbert Hoover during similarly challenging
times, the Big O smiled broadly, while placing his bets on the BCS bowl games at Caesars Sports Book, and proclaimed proudly,
“A chicky on every cock!"
That’s
right! You heard right! The Big O is going back to the
basics! Back to demand back-side economics as we love it. And
betting the ranch, that’s the Mustang Ranch, on a time-honored
craft to make this country great again.
The president
erect stood side by side with Senate Majority Leader, Harry
Reid, to outline his 69-point plan to put Americans back to work
by putting more Americans on their backs. “There’s no doubt in
my mind that there’s a hell of a lot of talent in this great
country of ours,” announced the Big O to a cheering crowd of
half-drunk, sex-crazed gambliholics. “We just need to
make sure that talent gets a proper audition!”
Added Senator
Reid, “For years, the great state of Nevada has stood proudly as
a well-lubed example of the socio-economic stimulus that can be
realized from this great tradition. By providing a safe
environment where clean, healthy, well-trained professionals can
ply their trade, we’ve been able to realize multiple benefits
that have all contributed to a throbbing series of climactic
events!”
Determined to
entrust the leadership of this slippery initiative to an
experienced professional, the Big O has nominated Elliot Spitzer
to head the newly-formed Office of Homeland Promiscuity, which
shall oversee all of the possible angles and positions that this
great program can produce. Said the recently defiled Governor,
“I am extremely humbled by this nomination, and I look forward
to getting back in the sack, er, I mean, back on the rack, doh!….Oh
fuck it!”
Mr. Spitzer
went on to detail specific elements of the plan along with many
of the potential payoffs that he envisions benefiting the
greater economy, including:
·
The
development of new vocational training, exercise and plastic
surgery programs for the retraining and reshaping of displaced
workers across the nation
·
Rigorous
enforcement of “Skank-In, Skank-Out” inventory accounting
practices to promote proper reporting and payment of taxes by
these small, frisky new businesses
·
Increased
investment in national healthcare to support regular sanitation
and testing of related equipment, facilities and squishy areas
·
The addition
of new, value-added services at the nation’s titty bars
·
Increased
recognition for the nutritional value of human semen
·
Higher
occupancy rates at the nation’s hotel chains
·
And much,
much, more…..
In addition
to the aforementioned benefits, the Big O stated that “this
great program” will stimulate a wealth of job creation that will
far outpace the loss of jobs resulting from the imminent
collapse of the American Auto Industry, with the greatest thrust
of activity anticipated to come from deep inside the
manufacturers and distributers of petroleum lubricants,
prophylactics, edible underwear, shrink tubing, hand-cuffs and
reality television programming.
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