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NO
COUNTRY FOR OLD [WHITE] MEN
November 4,
2008 - A date that will live in infamy!
(Greenwich,
CT) Here in the world capital of blond hair and straight white
teeth, a clearly audible puckering of blue-blood sphincters
followed the shot heard ‘round the nation’s country clubs, as
Barak Hussein Obama became the 44th President of the
United States of America. Horrified martini swillers from
Kinnyfuckport to Kenilworth are huddled in their drawing rooms
stammering and twitching as they contemplate the ends of their
lives as they know them.
 Throughout
this panacea of pedigree you can hear the whispers. “An African
American President? How can it be? What happened with the
electronic voting machines? What’s happening to our white
majority? Who’s going to mow my lawn? Who’s going to shine my
shoes?”
And then in a
nut-shriveling scream, “WHO’S GOING TO CARRY MY FUCKING GOLF
CLUBS!?!”
As visions of
cross-dressing cats and dogs engaging in mind-numbing
contortionist sex acts flashed through their minds, it set in.
“There’s a new sheriff in town. What if he upholds dubya’s
newly-minted powers of the presidency? That was all well and
good when WE were driving the bus, but not now. NOT NOW!!! And
where do we sit on the bus? AHHHHHHH!!!”
Just as Justy
“TJ” Magoober placed the barrel of the revolver in his mouth, it
dawned on him. This new minority must survive. It must act to
preserve its sick, snobfuscated way of life. Someone
must give a voice to the ranks of the privileged, the greedy,
the hopelessly stiff. And with that, the National Association
for the Advancement of Twisted Fucks (NAATF) was born.
In just six
short weeks, the NAATF has established a multitude of chapters
at which the nation’s budding minority can pledge their nut-case
allegiance to times long passed, clasping desperately to a world
on the wane. And for those willing to face reality, the NAATF
now offers crash-courses for assimilation into the new world
order. Some of the current offerings include:
·
Basic
Conversational Spanish
·
Ebonics For
Dummies
·
Home Lawn
Care
·
Laundry 101
·
Submissive
Behavior - Theory and Practice
·
“Guess Who’s
Coming to The Country Club”
·
The Joys of
Working for China
For those who
can’t adapt, it is hoped that, in time, the whack-jobs at the
NAATF will establish their own safe-heaven, sovereign state as
the final resting place for their collective insanity. The
editors of The Beta Potato wholeheartedly agree with this
approach, and strongly suggest that President Obama consider
designating a most fitting parcel of space to the cause.
GITMO!!!
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